Windows 95 is a 32 bit extension for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor by a 2 bit company that can’t stand 1 bit of competition.

I only wish I could take credit for figuring that one out, heh. Well as always, Its Sunday and that means its time for some of the nerdiest jokes this side of your motherboard, here ya go:

This first one isn’t actually a joke, but I thought it was pretty funny so here:

Internet Junkie Test
Have you been spending more and more time using the Internet? Have your cheeks taken on that pasty white glow from over-exposure to your computer monitor? How do you know if you’re addicted to the Net and losing touch with reality? Take the Net Addict’s Reality Test.

Answer the following multiple choice questions and check out your score to see if you should be concerned:

What do you think are good names for children?
a) Scott and Jenny.
b) Bill Gates IV.
c) Mozilla and Dotcom.

What’s a telephone?
a) A thing with a round dial you use to talk to others.
b) A telecommunications device with 12 keys.
c) Something you plug into a modem.

Which punctuation is most correct?
a) I had a wonderful day!
b) I had a **wonderful** day!!!
c) I had a wonderful day :-)

You wake up at 4:00 a.m. and decide to:
a) Visit the washroom.
b) Raid the fridge.
c) Check your E-mail.

What are RAM and ROM?
a) A male sheep and a city in Italy.
b) Hulking stars of the WWF.
c) I need more of the former and should upgrade the latter.

To avoid a virus you should:
a) Stay away from people who sneeze and cough.
b) Never read E-mail titled “Good Times”.
c) Use virus scanning software every time you boot up.

When you want to buy something hard-to-find you:
a) Ask friends where to purchase it.
b) Check out the Yellow Pages.
c) Go to Froogle!

When you don’t understand how to use a new appliance you:
a) Call the retailer.
b) Call the manufacturer’s toll-free number.
c) Visit the manufacturer’s Web site and look for the FAQ.

When you want to see all the beautiful people you:
a) Visit a club on a Saturday night.
b) Turn on the TV and tune in to Baywatch.
c) Check out the alt.binary newsgroups.

How do you introduce yourself at a party?
a) Hi, I’m Jane!
b) Hi, I’m a Taurus on the cusp.
c) Hi, I’m a 5′10″ hot blonde with a super bod.

When you’re interested in someone at a party you say:
a) Tell me more about yourself.
b) What’s your star sign?
c) What’s your Profile?

If you really like the person, you say:
a) Could you tell me your phone number?
b) What’s your E-mail address?
c) Let’s chat Private.

When I say spam, you think:
a) Ham in a can.
b) Unsolicited advertising E-mail.
c) I mailbomb all spammers!

When you receive an AOL trial diskette, you say:
a) I don’t need another coaster.
b) Great! I’ll reformat and use it for backups.
c) Frisbee!.

When you want to research a reference you:
a) Open up a volume of your encyclopedia.
b) Slip Encarta in your CD-ROM drive.
c) Go to www.google.com.

When you write a letter you:
a) Put pencil to paper.
b) Open Eudora.
c) Ask: What’s a letter? Is it like E-mail?

Different types of text formatting include:
a) Writing and printing.
b) Underline and double-strike.
c) Bold and italic.

You correct errors using:
a) An eraser.
b) White-out.
c) Backspace or delete.

You sign your name:
a) Best regards, John Smith.
b) See you in IRC, John_Smith.
c) Check out my home page for the cool links, john.smith@gmail.com.

To keep a copy of your letter you:
a) Insert a carbon and a second sheet.
b) Take it to the photocopier.
c) Check your Sent Mail folder.

SCORING:

Give yourself zero points for each “a” response, five for each “b” and 10 for each “c”.

If you scored 150 or higher, Congratulations, welcome to the world of being a Geek, go find the nearest Level 12 Paladin and give him a hug. If you scored between 50 and 145, you’re living a good mix of Net and reality, but you might want to go watch some re-runs of TechTv to make sure you stay in touch. If you scored under 50, you probably didn’t read this far.

Well that was pretty funny here’s another:

Glossary of PC Messages
It says: “Press Any Key”
Translation: “Press any key you like but I’m not moving. Go ahead, Just Restart, C’mon, You know you want to…”

It says: “Press A Key” (This one’s a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the “A” key. (And No I’m not kidding))

It says: “Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E”
Translation: “… where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told by the nice man who doesn’t speak the language you do that it’s a hardware problem.”

It says: “Installing program to C:….”
Translation: “… And I’ll also be writing a few files into C:\Windows and C:\Windows\System with some god-awful names so you’ll NEVER find them.”

It says: “Please insert disk 3″
Translation: “Because I know darn well there were only 2 disks in the box.”

It says: “Cannot read from drive D:….”
Translation: “… I’ve found a great excuse to call it a hardware problem…”

It says: “Please Wait….”
Translation: “… Restart or Let me sit for about a week… Or Two…”

It says: “Directory does not exist….”
Translation: “…. any more. Whoops.”

It says: “The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close.”
Translation: “….Makes no difference to me, you’re still not getting your work back.”

Ok well that about does it for this weeks Geek Humor, More to come next week. As always you can email me or post it in the forums, peace out-

-b